Published: September 2025 Reading time: 8 minutes
It's 4:47 PM on a Thursday. Your senior analyst just cc'd your boss on an email explaining why your "proposed risk framework lacks fundamental understanding of Basel III requirements." The team WhatsApp has gone suspiciously quiet. Tomorrow's monthly portfolio review is going to be a bloodbath, and you're sitting there wondering if everyone can see that you googled "what is VaR calculation" last week.
Welcome to management!
The Secret Nobody Tells You
Here's what they don't mention in those management books stacked on your desk (the ones you bought but haven't opened): Every single manager you admire went through a period where they felt like a complete fraud. Not imposter syndrome - actual, legitimate incompetence. Surely not in every aspect, but in some. Couple that with the insecurity we tend to feel about our perceived shortcomings, and you have a pulsating package of anxiety.
Now: That VP who runs flawless quarterly reviews? Six months into her first management role, she told her top performer they were "meeting expectations" because she thought grade inflation made everyone look bad. He resigned the next week to join Goldman Sachs. She learned he'd been their highest revenue generator when the exit interview landed on the CEO's desk..
Your CEO who commands the room? His first all-hands as a manager, he forgot to unmute himself for the first twelve minutes. People were trying to tell him but nobody managed to reach him.
Why Your Brain Is Sabotaging You Right Now
Here's something nobody measures but everyone knows: Watch a new manager's screen when they're composing an email to their team. Write. Delete. Rewrite. Delete. Add "Happy to discuss." Remove it. Add "Let me know if you have questions." Delete that too.
The simple "FYI on budget changes" email that would have taken 30 seconds as an individual contributor? Now it's a 25-minute existential crisis. Every word feels like evidence. Evidence that you shouldn't be here. That the promotion was a mistake. That Sarah from Compliance was right when she said, "Really? Them?"
Your brain is now running two jobs simultaneously: doing the actual work and monitoring yourself for signs of failure. It's exhausting. And it's completely normal.
The Confidence Portfolio (Or: That Exercise Everyone Says to Do But Nobody Actually Does)
Everyone tells you to "document your achievements." Sure. Right after you finish responding to the 47 Slack messages that accumulated during your last meeting.
But here's something that actually works when you're drowning in self-doubt: Stop documenting achievements. Document moments of not failing instead:
Thursday: Team meeting didn't implode when I admitted I didn't know what a CDO-squared was
Friday: Sandra actually implemented my suggestion about the counterparty exposure limits
Monday: Successfully mediated the Bloomberg vs. Reuters terminal argument without anyone rage-quitting
These aren't achievements. They're evidence that you're not the disaster your brain thinks you are at 2 AM.
The Jack Problem
Jack has been trading derivatives since you were in university. He's forgotten more about structured products than you'll ever know. He reports to you now.
Traditional advice says to "leverage his expertise" and "position yourself as a facilitator." That's adorable. Here's what actually happens:
Team Meeting, Tuesday You: "So for the new ESG portfolio strategy-" Jack: "Actually, if we're talking about ESG integration, we should really consider the double materiality principle and how it affects our risk-adjusted returns." Everyone turns to you. You have six seconds to respond before your credibility evaporates.
You could pretend to know what double materiality means in this context (you don't). You could deflect to "take it offline" (everyone knows that's code for "I have no idea"). Or...
"I don't know enough about double materiality to evaluate that properly. Jack, can you explain it like I'm a first-year analyst? Then we can figure out if it applies here."
Watch what happens. Jack explains. The team engages. You ask the dumb questions others were thinking. Suddenly you're not the expert - you're the person making expertise accessible. That's infinitely more valuable.
The Two-Pizza Rule for Confidence Building
Jeff Bezos has his two-pizza team rule. Here's the two-pizza rule for new manager confidence: You can only handle the emotional weight of managing the number of people you could share two pizzas with. Usually 6-8.
Got 12 direct reports? Your confidence isn't low because you're incompetent. It's low because you're trying to juggle impossible complexity. Even experienced managers struggle with spans larger than 8.
But nobody's going to fix your org structure. So here's what you do instead:
Split your team mentally into two groups. Not front-office and back-office (that's a disaster), but "needs active management" and "running on autopilot." Rotate people between categories monthly. This isn't about capability - it's about current situation. Your star trader might need active management during a volatile quarter. Your junior analyst might be on autopilot during routine reconciliation periods.
Focus your limited confidence on the active group. Let the autopilot group see confident, brief check-ins. It's not ideal, but it beats spreading yourself so thin that everyone gets anxious manager energy.
The Friday 3x3 "Confident Decision Making" Practice
Forget weekly reflection journals and confidence affirmations. You need something that takes under five minutes and actually changes behavior.
Every Friday at 4 PM (set a calendar reminder), write three numbers:
- Number of decisions you made without asking your boss
- Number of times you said "I don't know" without apologizing
- Number of times you changed your mind based on team input
Week 1: 2, 0, 1 Week 2: 3, 1, 1 Week 3: 3, 2, 0 Week 4: 5, 2, 2
That's it. No journaling about feelings. No analysis. Just numbers. Watch them trend over six weeks. The pattern will tell you more about your growing confidence than any self-assessment ever could.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Feedback
Your team knows you're struggling. They knew before you did. They've been discussing it in private WhatsApp groups and at after-work drinks in Canary Wharf. This isn't cruel - it's human.
The liberating part? Once you accept they already know, you can stop performing confidence and start building it.
Next team meeting, try this: "Listen, we all know this is new for me. So I'll ask you straight: What's one thing I could do differently that would make your job easier?"
The first person will say something generic. Second person will make a joke. The third person will tell you something real that you can actually fix. Fix it by next week. That's how you build credibility - small, visible improvements based on actual feedback.
What Actually Happens at Month Six
Around month six, something shifts. Not because you suddenly become 100% competent, no. But because you develop what I call "failure calluses."
You've survived enough bad meetings that they don't destroy your weekend anymore. You've made enough wrong calls that you know they're rarely fatal. You've had enough awkward one-on-ones that you stop scripting them in your head the night before.
The confidence isn't fake anymore. It's scar tissue.
Simulate Leadership Challenges Instead
LeaderCoreAI provides AI simulations where you can practice management conversations without career consequences. Everyone focuses on the "practice" part. But here's what actually matters: seeing how different approaches play out.
That conversation with Jack about double materiality? Run it five different ways. See what happens when you fake knowledge versus admitting ignorance. Watch how the AI team members respond when you're defensive versus curious.
It's not about finding the "right" answer - it's about discovering which version of yourself gets results.
The Bottom Line
You're possibly going to feel like a fraud for the next 3-6 months. This could be imposter syndrome, but the cause is most likely that you're simply not very good at this yet. That's fine. Neither was anyone else.
The difference between managers who make it and those who don't isn't natural talent or confidence. It's the willingness to be visibly bad at something while you work hard getting better at it.
Your team doesn't need you to be perfect. They need you to be consistent, fair, and consistently and gradually improving. That's a much lower bar than the one you've set for yourself.
Next Thursday at 4:47 PM, when something goes sideways again - and it will - remember this: The fact that you care enough to feel like a failure means you're probably going to be fine.
Eventually.
Based on conversations with dozens of new managers across all kinds of industries around the globe. Try LeaderCoreAI's management scenarios at leadercore.ai - because reading about confidence is like reading about swimming.